| | How to Be an Adoption Advocate
BY KATHERINE MIKKELSON
Road-Tested Tips for Families
As an attorney, I used to advocate for my clients. But when I left work at the end of the day, my cases and my lawyeringskills stayed at the office. A few years ago, however—about the time Zack, my oldest, entered preschool—I noticed that my professional skills had crossed over into my dealings with friends, neighbors, and others in the community. I was becoming an adoption advocate. You don’t have to be an adoption professional to take on this role. Every time you educate or enlighten someone, you are advocating adoption. Think of adoption advocacy as a slow, evolving process rather than a list of projects that you should tackle all at once. First-time parents may be so swamped that they can only think about the next feeding and diaper change. Take your time and do only what feels comfortable for you and your family. I’m guessing that, if you’re like me, the longer you’re an adoptive parent, the more you’ll want to persuade the world that adoption is a wonderful way to build a family.
POSITIVE ADOPTION LANGUAGE
✦USE APPROPRIATE LANGUAGE AND GENTLY CORRECT THOSE WHO DON’T. When a store
clerk asks, “Where’s his natural mom?” respond with “Do you mean his birthmother?”
When your prying neighbor asks, “Why was she given up for adoption?” respond that your child’s
birthparents made an adoption plan knowing that was the best option for her. You don’t have to
chastise anyone for their incorrect terminology, but you will notice that others will begin to
copy the terms you use.
✦MAKE CORRECTIONS TO FORMS THAT USE INAPPROPRIATE TERMS. When I was petitioning
the court for Zack’s adoption in 1997, our adoption agency gave us sample pleadings
that we could adapt and file with the court. The samples contained the terms “natural mother
and father.” When I asked our agency about it, they told me that the court in this particular
jurisdiction was very traditional and still used such terms. Not settling for “its-always-beendone-
this-way,” I changed all of the terms to read to “birthmother and -father.” And do you
know what? The judge signed the final order of adoption with my modifications. You can emend
medical or school information forms—or any other document crying out for an update—in much
the same way.
✦WRITE A LETTER TO THE EDITOR ABOUT INAPPROPRIATE TERMS used in print, and consider
sending along the adoption stylebook created by the Accurate Adoption Reporting
group. This stylebook contains guidelines and appropriate language for journalists to follow
when writing about adoption issues. You’ll find it in Adoptive Families Jan/Feb 02, www.adoptivefamilies.
com/articles.php?aid=405.
Lobby Your Employer for Adoption Benefits
Adoptive parents should have the same benefits as parents who give birth. If your employer does not have equitable leave benefits or reimbursement for
adoption fees, write a letter to the CEO or president urging changes to your company’s policy. Not much of a writer? For a sample letter you can use as a model, check out Betsy Mair’s article, “How to Lobby Your Employer for Adoption Benefits” (AF May/Jun 00, www.adoptivefamilies.com/pdf/employment_bene.pdf).
Reprinted with permisson from Adoptive Families Magazine. For more articles like this one, to subscribe, or to sign up for the AF e-newsletter, visit, www.adoptivefamilies.com
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